Loneliness is certainly not a new phenomenon and we’ve all felt it at some point in our lives. But is it exaggerated by our relatively new dependence on cyber-technology?
I’ve recently been thinking about how these things have changed in recent years and it led me to wonder how they have affected us. As someone who sometimes deals with loneliness, self-inflicted or otherwise, I figured it was something that deserved some thought.
So to repeat the question above, is our loneliness exaggerated by social media and the otherwise internet-based lives many of us lead?
By, “internet-based lives,” I mean that we have a tendency to look at things, consciously or unconsciously, as a potential social media post/ photo op. Although we may not be physically spending most of our lives on the internet.
I also want to ask the question, have our values changed in the last several years? And how might that keep us from making genuine, strong connections?
Social media, and the internet in general, is a wonderful, terrible thing. And it has sucked us in within only about 25 years; give or take.
It’s incredible how quickly internet and technology has evolved. Especially since the turn of the century. When I was a kid, my older brothers hurried home from school to get on MySpace and AOL. THE computer (as there was only one for the house and not one for every person) was connected to the modem by wires. By the time I was old enough to care about those things, Facebook and Twitter had taken over and computers were starting to shift to wifi. It had only been about three to four years from their MySpace days to my entrance to Facebook.
And let’s not forget our handheld computers (smartphones). Or cable TV giving way to streaming. Or that video games are now entering the realm of virtual reality.
All of these things are amazing and happened so quickly. But, because they happened so quickly, maybe we didn’t have time to adapt to them properly.
Why would I drive twenty minutes to just sit around with my friends when we can sit around at our respective homes and chat online? Or even play the same game but in different locations?
I believe social media and modern technology, in all its connective glory, has caused us to become more separated; more isolated.
And I see a change in values today that, while it’s certainly possible, and maybe even likely, that these things existed before our time, is exaggerated by our newfound connectivity.
We edit our pictures to hide our shortcomings. Years ago, it was a downright scandal to discover someone, usually a celebrity, had edited their photos. Now, it’s accepted as an every day part of life. And with new technology, everyone, not just celebrities, can edit. We know it happens, and we don’t care.
We are all focused on keeping up appearances. Even if it’s a lie.
To say what I mean explicitly, one of the biggest value shifts I’ve seen recently, is our loss of honesty and integrity (Which, I’m a big proponent of, so I may write another post focusing on that soon).
We can edit our photos with little effort. We can pick and choose our highlight reel.
Are these things hurting us in the long run? Causing us to become more lonely?
Indeed, in my moments of loneliness, having mostly online interactions does almost nothing to fix that feeling. It’s similar when interacting with strangers, or at least acquaintances, in person.
I am a bit of an introvert… So that may have something to do with the second statement… Still.
Conversely, interacting and spending time with people I trust and care about makes me feel good. I do not feel lonely and will not feel so for several days after, even if those days are spent mostly in solitude.
And finally, the thing I’ve found most effective in earning friends and keeping relationships that mean something to you, is honesty.
It may take a bit of courage but I’ve found that opening up, even just a little, is very beneficial for friendships. And then, of course, curbing loneliness.
I don’t mean little half truths and omissions. A lie of omission is still a lie. I mean genuine, admissions of truth to those you trust.
The reactions I get when I am honest are overwhelming positive. People are appreciative, surprised, and even grateful for honesty.
You don’t have to throw your life’s story out to everyone. Just being genuine and up front (honest) is an underrated and greatly appreciated virtue.
Thank you for reading.